A recent news story covered a student who transferred to a different school. The article said other students threw his clothes into the toilet, vandalized his car, and that he ‘faced escalating harassment- physical and verbal threats.’ While he certainly should have had the right to do so, it should not have been necessary. From the perspective of someone who experienced bullying in school- both myself and both of my kids- my question in these circumstances is always Where’s the school staff when these things are going on?
Let’s go back a few decades- quite a few, actually. At the elementary school I attended, there were around 40 kids in my classroom (give or take a student moving in or out of the district); from grades K-6, there was one teacher per classroom- no teacher’s aides or assistants; and there were no communication devices in the classrooms- - if a teacher or student was in a classroom and needed to speak with someone who wasn’t, you had to go look for the person. All grades had lunch/recess at the same time- the playground was informally divided with K-2 students on the actual playground side and grades 3-6 on the other; there was one teacher in charge of each side. So, during lunch/recess, the in-charge teachers were usually chatting together at a distance from the kids; and classroom teachers, when not actively teaching something, were often in the teacher’s lounge. In the classroom and on the playground, this meant students were often unsupervised- ideal environments for bullies who do not want to get caught. On two different grade levels, I had experiences in both environments; both experiences involved the same classmate; and, on both occasions, I was knocked out cold. The first incident: she sneaked up behind me, grabbed me, and beat my head into a telephone pole; the second incident: while pinning me up against a wall, she slammed me in the head with a heavy encyclopedia.
It was entirely different in high school. Unlike the childhood bully, bullying was done in full view of staff- whether it was minor physical attacks or verbal, staff members watched and “looked on.” And I saw similar examples in which older, larger students were ‘pounding the stuffing’ out of smaller kids, staff members standing there and doing nothing. When it became too extreme to tolerate, I dropped out of school. Eventually, with some prodding from my oldest brother, my father paid out-of-district tuition and arranged transportation so I could attend a different, better school. This is entirely unacceptable- students should not have to change schools, quit school, or homeschool simply because staff does not do their jobs.
When my kids were on the receiving end of bullying, I homeschooled them. The first situation involved a classroom teacher who refused to intervene, seeming to know nothing about elementary school kids; the second situation involved school staff who actually caused the disruptions. But here’s the important point: after one of my kids sustained a concussion, I approached- in order- the classroom teacher, the principal, and the board of education with a question: When a student is bullied- especially if it involves physical violence- what course of action do you want the student to take? And not a one of them had an answer. It was clear they expected students to simply tolerate it- because, if a student attempted to defend himself even verbally, it was the student who was bullied who ‘got into trouble.’ Oh, you yelled at your classmate, you called him a name- it’s Detention for you!!
In the distant past, schools I was familiar with didn’t even use the term ‘bullying;’ regardless of the extent of it, it was brushed off as ‘He/she is picking on you,’ or even ‘He/she is teasing you.’ But even the modern term ‘bullying’ does not really say it- unprovoked physical attacks, whether minor or extreme, are assaults. Not only is there no excuse for it, there is also no excuse for providing students with no course of action when it does occur.
In lower-class environments, I’m sure the viewpoint would be ‘Kids gotta learn to defend themselves- stand up for themselves- kids gotta learn how to fight!’ and even ‘Are kids snowflakes who need nannies?!’ Welllll, actually, students and parents alike have the right to safe school environments- and it’s the responsibility of staff to ensure it.
None of us endured any lasting damage from bullying- but it certainly made attending school a lousy experience. Others are not as fortunate- especially these days. While I read an account by an older guy, claiming if he ever saw his childhood bully in person he would ‘not stop at death’ to get back at him, kids today have additional concerns. On one side, fewer kids today have someone ‘at home’ to talk to; and on the other side, ‘social networking sites’ provide bullies with another opportunity to harass, ridicule, and threaten other kids. The combination of these factors has resulted in teenagers and even children committing suicide. And, these days, kids bring weapons to school, and many schools have security guards. In other words, it’s getting worse, not better.
Yet solutions have not been forthcoming. There are anti-bullying programs where students learn ways to help fellow students who are bullied, there are programs where concerned individuals in communities can offer a ‘safe place’ for students in danger- but while these programs may be useful, they still fail to place the responsibility where it belongs: school staff should prevent bullying, and deal with it appropriately if it does occur. And only if this sensible approach is taken seriously will students be safe at school- instead of feeling they must tolerate everything from verbal attacks to physical assaults.
Let’s go back a few decades- quite a few, actually. At the elementary school I attended, there were around 40 kids in my classroom (give or take a student moving in or out of the district); from grades K-6, there was one teacher per classroom- no teacher’s aides or assistants; and there were no communication devices in the classrooms- - if a teacher or student was in a classroom and needed to speak with someone who wasn’t, you had to go look for the person. All grades had lunch/recess at the same time- the playground was informally divided with K-2 students on the actual playground side and grades 3-6 on the other; there was one teacher in charge of each side. So, during lunch/recess, the in-charge teachers were usually chatting together at a distance from the kids; and classroom teachers, when not actively teaching something, were often in the teacher’s lounge. In the classroom and on the playground, this meant students were often unsupervised- ideal environments for bullies who do not want to get caught. On two different grade levels, I had experiences in both environments; both experiences involved the same classmate; and, on both occasions, I was knocked out cold. The first incident: she sneaked up behind me, grabbed me, and beat my head into a telephone pole; the second incident: while pinning me up against a wall, she slammed me in the head with a heavy encyclopedia.
It was entirely different in high school. Unlike the childhood bully, bullying was done in full view of staff- whether it was minor physical attacks or verbal, staff members watched and “looked on.” And I saw similar examples in which older, larger students were ‘pounding the stuffing’ out of smaller kids, staff members standing there and doing nothing. When it became too extreme to tolerate, I dropped out of school. Eventually, with some prodding from my oldest brother, my father paid out-of-district tuition and arranged transportation so I could attend a different, better school. This is entirely unacceptable- students should not have to change schools, quit school, or homeschool simply because staff does not do their jobs.
When my kids were on the receiving end of bullying, I homeschooled them. The first situation involved a classroom teacher who refused to intervene, seeming to know nothing about elementary school kids; the second situation involved school staff who actually caused the disruptions. But here’s the important point: after one of my kids sustained a concussion, I approached- in order- the classroom teacher, the principal, and the board of education with a question: When a student is bullied- especially if it involves physical violence- what course of action do you want the student to take? And not a one of them had an answer. It was clear they expected students to simply tolerate it- because, if a student attempted to defend himself even verbally, it was the student who was bullied who ‘got into trouble.’ Oh, you yelled at your classmate, you called him a name- it’s Detention for you!!
In the distant past, schools I was familiar with didn’t even use the term ‘bullying;’ regardless of the extent of it, it was brushed off as ‘He/she is picking on you,’ or even ‘He/she is teasing you.’ But even the modern term ‘bullying’ does not really say it- unprovoked physical attacks, whether minor or extreme, are assaults. Not only is there no excuse for it, there is also no excuse for providing students with no course of action when it does occur.
In lower-class environments, I’m sure the viewpoint would be ‘Kids gotta learn to defend themselves- stand up for themselves- kids gotta learn how to fight!’ and even ‘Are kids snowflakes who need nannies?!’ Welllll, actually, students and parents alike have the right to safe school environments- and it’s the responsibility of staff to ensure it.
None of us endured any lasting damage from bullying- but it certainly made attending school a lousy experience. Others are not as fortunate- especially these days. While I read an account by an older guy, claiming if he ever saw his childhood bully in person he would ‘not stop at death’ to get back at him, kids today have additional concerns. On one side, fewer kids today have someone ‘at home’ to talk to; and on the other side, ‘social networking sites’ provide bullies with another opportunity to harass, ridicule, and threaten other kids. The combination of these factors has resulted in teenagers and even children committing suicide. And, these days, kids bring weapons to school, and many schools have security guards. In other words, it’s getting worse, not better.
Yet solutions have not been forthcoming. There are anti-bullying programs where students learn ways to help fellow students who are bullied, there are programs where concerned individuals in communities can offer a ‘safe place’ for students in danger- but while these programs may be useful, they still fail to place the responsibility where it belongs: school staff should prevent bullying, and deal with it appropriately if it does occur. And only if this sensible approach is taken seriously will students be safe at school- instead of feeling they must tolerate everything from verbal attacks to physical assaults.