A recent news story included a statement from an individual in a position of authority: "It's just this cycle of violence, and it's the culture of violence it's associated with," (the police department spokesperson said.) "It's got nothing to do with race or ethnicity or gender. It's a much deeper social issue.” I'd like to think individuals might listen and take the statement seriously- and follow it up with 'and we should start to investigate the reasons and sources of these issues...' Bad things can and do happen anywhere; but when they happen often and consistently in some areas, it's time to assess the causes and take constructive action to do something about it.
The term 'The American Way of Life' was not regularly in use until the 1950s- but the concept had come about in the 17th century. But while anyone who studied American history- or was alive a generation or two ago- knows, it took a very long time for laws to catch up with this concept, in some parts of this country it still has not caught on: the American Way of Life principle that asserts and upholds the value and dignity of every person.
It is not a coincidence that violence in general, plus violence against women and children, is more common in some places than in others. In the 21st century in the United States of America, there are still numerous 'pockets of stupidity' (locations) where women are not considered people, children are even less, and full rights and respect are limited to those who are male, white, and over 21. In other words, areas where so-called patriarchal cultures continue to rule are breeding-grounds for violence. Patriarchy- and status in general- are concepts that never had a legitimate place in this country.
Over and over again I've heard/read these excuses: 'it's part of our/the culture,' 'it's part of our tradition,' 'it's our way of life,' etc. The real problem: when those excuses are used to describe violence, the whole mess is considered par-for-the-course, normal, natural, and acceptable. More of us need to stand up and assert that it's not acceptable at all.
While there have been countless examples, one that stands out involved an elderly lady (in her eighties) and a younger guy (in his early thirties); upon finding the guy had been beating the woman, after reporting it to an elder-abuse hotline I talked to a local priest who knew both individuals. Acting like I was making a big deal over nothing, he exclaimed 'But he's her husband!' I didn't know whether the couple was legally married or if it was just a figure of speech, but that point should be irrelevant- the priest, along with others, asserted that domestic violence was perfectly acceptable.
Where exactly does this stand with 'the American Way of Life' that was built on the foundation of 'the supreme dignity and value of all human beings'? It doesn't. Cultures that deem anyone 'less' than others, and assert that violence against others is acceptable, have no place in the United States of America.
We should also take a broader look at the concept of 'violence.' Whether it is put into action or not, it exists when any group is considered superior to others; it exists when any group is considered to have more rights, and/or due more respect, than others. And while this concept of violence certainly applies to racial differences, orientation differences, and so forth, no one should dare to discount its effects on women and children. In such environments, lack of respect toward women extends to the disgusting approach that any 'unattached female' is simply 'up for grabs.' One comment should make this approach perfectly clear: 'When a girl says “No” she really means “Yes”- or she at least means “Maybe”.' In other words, some environments have never made it into the 21st century. It shouldn't be too surprising that said environment has an over-the-top high rate of crimes-against-women. And until the cultures that perpetuate these approaches are torn down, it is unlikely there will be a reduction in these crimes.
Basing a person's rights and dignity on patriarchy and status can range from dangerous and destructive to just plain nutty. One example that covered the full range: I met an individual- male, middle-aged, married with children; one day he was standing outside his house, grumbling bitterly that he could not even smoke a cigarette in his own home. He'd built a nice little house for his wife and kids, but then his in-laws moved in and took over. Although they were healthy, active people, they wouldn't allow him to smoke in his own house.
In the book “For Your Own Good,” there's a story about a youngster called little Konrad. Although the mother had brought the child into the world, she was deprived of the right or authority to prevent her three-year-old from being savagely beaten. If you think this cannot happen in 21st century America, recall the news story from months ago about a mother who was forced to watch a school principal beat her child. What exactly was stopping her from declaring 'I will not allow you to treat my child this way'? In some parts of this country, women are still considered less than any male, and even mothers have no right to protect their children.
I had a few such experiences myself; although none involved physical violence, the possibility may have existed if I had not been assertive. In one instance, my youngster and I had arrived in a new location, and, with luggage in hand, left the bus station in search of a pay phone to call for directions. A car pulled up- as it didn't appear to be a police car, I assumed it was from the sheriff's department- and an individual that was almost a caricature of one of those 'good ol' boys' with a beer gut stalked over in a hostile manner; completely ignoring me, he barked at my ten-year-old: 'Why aren't you in school?!' I put myself in front of him, motioned to the luggage, and replied that we didn't live there, we'd just gotten off the bus. Evidently not liking that I interfered with his so-called authority, he muttered something under his breath, stalked back to his car, and drove away.
In another incident, I was chatting with an individual who was presumably a minister. One of my youngsters- raised to be outspoken, and a social kid who liked everyone- joined the conversation. The individual barked at my child to be quiet and go sit down. When I stated that no one talks like that to my kids, the individual was so miffed that he stormed away and left us standing in the rain.
In both instances, the individuals seemed to think it was a different century in a different country- where any male, even total strangers, have more authority than kids' own mothers. How about we all give a big ol' middle finger to that idea.
You may have heard 'violence breeds violence'- it's not surprising places that condone child abuse and abuse against women have the highest rates of incarcerations and executions. After all, everybody starts out as a child- and when the earliest messages are that they are not people and have no rights, at some point something's gotta give. You may have heard 'children learn what they live'- and when they start out in life with violence, it's not surprising that it becomes a way of life. I recall a kid I knew years ago- he was 17-18 years old. One day I overheard two of his friends talking: one asked where 'Bobby' was, as he hadn't seen him in awhile; the other replied 'Oh, Bobby's in jail.' When the friend asked why, the other replied 'He hit his mother over the head with a crowbar.'
The problem with violence, though, is it often is not directed at the individuals who started the pattern in a person's life- it spills over onto newer generations and/or those who are perceived as weak. Borrowing a line from the late Ann Landers: 'Wake up and smell the coffee!' Start by tearing down these so-called cultures that promote and practice violence. Because, when it comes down to it, it's not far removed from the wild-animal kingdom- 'might makes right'- and it has no place in a civilized society.
The term 'The American Way of Life' was not regularly in use until the 1950s- but the concept had come about in the 17th century. But while anyone who studied American history- or was alive a generation or two ago- knows, it took a very long time for laws to catch up with this concept, in some parts of this country it still has not caught on: the American Way of Life principle that asserts and upholds the value and dignity of every person.
It is not a coincidence that violence in general, plus violence against women and children, is more common in some places than in others. In the 21st century in the United States of America, there are still numerous 'pockets of stupidity' (locations) where women are not considered people, children are even less, and full rights and respect are limited to those who are male, white, and over 21. In other words, areas where so-called patriarchal cultures continue to rule are breeding-grounds for violence. Patriarchy- and status in general- are concepts that never had a legitimate place in this country.
Over and over again I've heard/read these excuses: 'it's part of our/the culture,' 'it's part of our tradition,' 'it's our way of life,' etc. The real problem: when those excuses are used to describe violence, the whole mess is considered par-for-the-course, normal, natural, and acceptable. More of us need to stand up and assert that it's not acceptable at all.
While there have been countless examples, one that stands out involved an elderly lady (in her eighties) and a younger guy (in his early thirties); upon finding the guy had been beating the woman, after reporting it to an elder-abuse hotline I talked to a local priest who knew both individuals. Acting like I was making a big deal over nothing, he exclaimed 'But he's her husband!' I didn't know whether the couple was legally married or if it was just a figure of speech, but that point should be irrelevant- the priest, along with others, asserted that domestic violence was perfectly acceptable.
Where exactly does this stand with 'the American Way of Life' that was built on the foundation of 'the supreme dignity and value of all human beings'? It doesn't. Cultures that deem anyone 'less' than others, and assert that violence against others is acceptable, have no place in the United States of America.
We should also take a broader look at the concept of 'violence.' Whether it is put into action or not, it exists when any group is considered superior to others; it exists when any group is considered to have more rights, and/or due more respect, than others. And while this concept of violence certainly applies to racial differences, orientation differences, and so forth, no one should dare to discount its effects on women and children. In such environments, lack of respect toward women extends to the disgusting approach that any 'unattached female' is simply 'up for grabs.' One comment should make this approach perfectly clear: 'When a girl says “No” she really means “Yes”- or she at least means “Maybe”.' In other words, some environments have never made it into the 21st century. It shouldn't be too surprising that said environment has an over-the-top high rate of crimes-against-women. And until the cultures that perpetuate these approaches are torn down, it is unlikely there will be a reduction in these crimes.
Basing a person's rights and dignity on patriarchy and status can range from dangerous and destructive to just plain nutty. One example that covered the full range: I met an individual- male, middle-aged, married with children; one day he was standing outside his house, grumbling bitterly that he could not even smoke a cigarette in his own home. He'd built a nice little house for his wife and kids, but then his in-laws moved in and took over. Although they were healthy, active people, they wouldn't allow him to smoke in his own house.
In the book “For Your Own Good,” there's a story about a youngster called little Konrad. Although the mother had brought the child into the world, she was deprived of the right or authority to prevent her three-year-old from being savagely beaten. If you think this cannot happen in 21st century America, recall the news story from months ago about a mother who was forced to watch a school principal beat her child. What exactly was stopping her from declaring 'I will not allow you to treat my child this way'? In some parts of this country, women are still considered less than any male, and even mothers have no right to protect their children.
I had a few such experiences myself; although none involved physical violence, the possibility may have existed if I had not been assertive. In one instance, my youngster and I had arrived in a new location, and, with luggage in hand, left the bus station in search of a pay phone to call for directions. A car pulled up- as it didn't appear to be a police car, I assumed it was from the sheriff's department- and an individual that was almost a caricature of one of those 'good ol' boys' with a beer gut stalked over in a hostile manner; completely ignoring me, he barked at my ten-year-old: 'Why aren't you in school?!' I put myself in front of him, motioned to the luggage, and replied that we didn't live there, we'd just gotten off the bus. Evidently not liking that I interfered with his so-called authority, he muttered something under his breath, stalked back to his car, and drove away.
In another incident, I was chatting with an individual who was presumably a minister. One of my youngsters- raised to be outspoken, and a social kid who liked everyone- joined the conversation. The individual barked at my child to be quiet and go sit down. When I stated that no one talks like that to my kids, the individual was so miffed that he stormed away and left us standing in the rain.
In both instances, the individuals seemed to think it was a different century in a different country- where any male, even total strangers, have more authority than kids' own mothers. How about we all give a big ol' middle finger to that idea.
You may have heard 'violence breeds violence'- it's not surprising places that condone child abuse and abuse against women have the highest rates of incarcerations and executions. After all, everybody starts out as a child- and when the earliest messages are that they are not people and have no rights, at some point something's gotta give. You may have heard 'children learn what they live'- and when they start out in life with violence, it's not surprising that it becomes a way of life. I recall a kid I knew years ago- he was 17-18 years old. One day I overheard two of his friends talking: one asked where 'Bobby' was, as he hadn't seen him in awhile; the other replied 'Oh, Bobby's in jail.' When the friend asked why, the other replied 'He hit his mother over the head with a crowbar.'
The problem with violence, though, is it often is not directed at the individuals who started the pattern in a person's life- it spills over onto newer generations and/or those who are perceived as weak. Borrowing a line from the late Ann Landers: 'Wake up and smell the coffee!' Start by tearing down these so-called cultures that promote and practice violence. Because, when it comes down to it, it's not far removed from the wild-animal kingdom- 'might makes right'- and it has no place in a civilized society.