Awhile back, I noticed a link on a blog. The topic: early attachment in childhood.https://luckyottershaven.com/2016/04/13/viral-post-shows-why-early-attachment-is-so-important/
The subject came up decades ago- studies were conducted with baby chimps, as, scientifically speaking, they were the species most resembling humans. In the studies, the chimps were divided into two groups, with different approaches taken toward each group. One group was given the basics for survival- food, water, etc.- and nothing else; while the other group was given affection and attention. The latter group thrived- but the group for whom only basic survival needs were met wasted away and died.
It only went to show the approach most of us had been taking for generations had been right all along.
It seems, though, that the negative, destructive approach is too well-known and continuing. It is only one example of the horrible approach to child-raising that came to be known as 'poisonous pedagogy.' On this particular topic, the 'poisonous' principle: 'it is wrong to meet a child's needs.' An infant was to be fed, his diapers changed, and the rest of the time left to fend for himself. Connected to this principle was the idea that there's nothing worse for a child- even an infant- than a 'doting' mother; these days, the word would be 'nurturing.'
More recently, I noticed a spot in a well-known news magazine; with yet another 'study,' it said of all the characteristics a person may have, the #1 characteristic that determined whether or not a person would be successful and happy in life is empathy.
Empathy is one of those characteristics that cannot be taught- either a person 'absorbs' it in his early life, or he does not. A person cannot have empathy, compassion, concern, etc., for other human beings if he was not on the receiving-end of it when he was young.
In contrast, what does the poisonous approach teach? Children learn from their earliest years and months that they do not matter, they do not count. They learn their needs and feelings are unimportant. They learn they are not cared about. And, as the poem that made its way to nearly every pediatrician's office throughout the decades makes clear: 'Children learn what they live.'
Personally, I only had one experience with this 'poison.' When one of my kids was around a year old- give or take a couple of months- I happened to be at my parents' house when they had a visit from a person who came from an entirely different background than I. My child started wiggling around on a chair, toppled off and fell to the floor. The person's reaction: 'Don't pick him up- you want him to learn to take his spills.' Frankly, I don't know which irked me most: someone telling me what I 'wanted,' or the outrageous idea that a parent should not comfort and interact with their child. Although the child was not injured, I ignored the person's idiotic remark and picked him up anyway.
Similar to comments in Dayna's post, I've seen the consequences when individuals learn early in life 'No one will ever be there for you.' A difference, though: I've seen it in adults- many, many of them. 'Tough as nails' on the outside, broken inside.
We need to get this information out there- so people learn poisonous approaches to children are not o.k. They are extremely destructive; and not only do the consequences not go away when individuals are older, individuals who were raised that way often pass it on to newer generations.
The subject came up decades ago- studies were conducted with baby chimps, as, scientifically speaking, they were the species most resembling humans. In the studies, the chimps were divided into two groups, with different approaches taken toward each group. One group was given the basics for survival- food, water, etc.- and nothing else; while the other group was given affection and attention. The latter group thrived- but the group for whom only basic survival needs were met wasted away and died.
It only went to show the approach most of us had been taking for generations had been right all along.
It seems, though, that the negative, destructive approach is too well-known and continuing. It is only one example of the horrible approach to child-raising that came to be known as 'poisonous pedagogy.' On this particular topic, the 'poisonous' principle: 'it is wrong to meet a child's needs.' An infant was to be fed, his diapers changed, and the rest of the time left to fend for himself. Connected to this principle was the idea that there's nothing worse for a child- even an infant- than a 'doting' mother; these days, the word would be 'nurturing.'
More recently, I noticed a spot in a well-known news magazine; with yet another 'study,' it said of all the characteristics a person may have, the #1 characteristic that determined whether or not a person would be successful and happy in life is empathy.
Empathy is one of those characteristics that cannot be taught- either a person 'absorbs' it in his early life, or he does not. A person cannot have empathy, compassion, concern, etc., for other human beings if he was not on the receiving-end of it when he was young.
In contrast, what does the poisonous approach teach? Children learn from their earliest years and months that they do not matter, they do not count. They learn their needs and feelings are unimportant. They learn they are not cared about. And, as the poem that made its way to nearly every pediatrician's office throughout the decades makes clear: 'Children learn what they live.'
Personally, I only had one experience with this 'poison.' When one of my kids was around a year old- give or take a couple of months- I happened to be at my parents' house when they had a visit from a person who came from an entirely different background than I. My child started wiggling around on a chair, toppled off and fell to the floor. The person's reaction: 'Don't pick him up- you want him to learn to take his spills.' Frankly, I don't know which irked me most: someone telling me what I 'wanted,' or the outrageous idea that a parent should not comfort and interact with their child. Although the child was not injured, I ignored the person's idiotic remark and picked him up anyway.
Similar to comments in Dayna's post, I've seen the consequences when individuals learn early in life 'No one will ever be there for you.' A difference, though: I've seen it in adults- many, many of them. 'Tough as nails' on the outside, broken inside.
We need to get this information out there- so people learn poisonous approaches to children are not o.k. They are extremely destructive; and not only do the consequences not go away when individuals are older, individuals who were raised that way often pass it on to newer generations.