In recent years, I've heard it referred to as “flaking.” An interesting point- at least in my opinion- is before recent years, I only had one experience with this subject. Only one, once, ever. I guess that says a lot about the character and integrity of people I've known throughout my life.
My long-ago experience: I was an elementary school student at the time, and the individual was the 'young woman from a different background' that I mentioned in my Fathers Day post. One day she approached me and said after she received her paycheck on Friday she would take me out for ice cream. I thought that was nice, looked forward to it. However, when Friday came and I approached her, she shrugged: “I didn't say 'I promise'.” I don't know what she thought I'd do, but I didn't do anything- I simply brushed it off with the thought 'I guess she wasn't raised to know any better.' And I did not encounter 'flaking' again for around thirty-five years.
However, the subject came up in an autobiography written by actor Gary Crosby. He related how his mother would call him and his brothers to her room, telling them if they were good all week- behaved well, did their schoolwork and chores- on Saturday she would take them all to the movies. The boys were super-good all week, and when Saturday came around they were happy and excited. But when they approached their mother she replied 'BS!- I never said anything about movies!'
My kids began encountering flaking in a new city before I did- friends would say they were coming over, or they'd go someplace, and then brush it off. As for my experience: a landlord, knowing I was new to the area and didn't have an ID, said he'd cash checks for me, take out the rent, and return what was left over. Numerous times I was left without cash for bus fare and other necessities because he did not follow through. I later encountered flaking in virtually every area of life- from doctors' appointments to job interviews, individuals simply did not show up, or, if they did, they were hours late and did not provide an explanation or an apology. One example that comes to mind: I’d had all-day testing scheduled for a job, and the person who was to conduct the testing was approximately two hours late. There was nothing I could do on that cold, rainy April day but stand outside and smoke. This kind of irresponsibility with other people’s time brings ‘Hurry up and wait’ to an art form.
And it seems flaking has become a widespread pattern. A few years ago, for example, I noticed a news story about a musician who'd had a 'sell-out' concert; despite a huge number of fans who put their hard-earned money into buying concert tickets, traveled to the concert, looked forward to it, he just didn't show up. And, as is the case with those who consider flaking an acceptable course of action, there were no reasons, no excuses, no apologies.
Depending on the circumstances, the consequences of flaking can range from disappointing someone and letting them down, to various degrees of inconvenience, to serious problems. As one example, an individual popped up at my door one day, and said he'd heard I was preparing to move; he asked which day I was moving, and when I answered he replied that he and his friend would be over that day to help. The day came, moved on, and was nearing an end, but no sign of the person. As I'd told the manager I'd have everything out that day, a family member came over- with a sprained knee- and moved the heavy items for me. A couple of days later I happened to see the individual; he shrugged it off with 'I decided to go see one of my friends- you understand, don't you?' Of course I understood- I understood some people are untrustworthy, and their word means nothing.
Bad enough; but in the business world, the consequences can be worse. There were a couple of individuals who did not send work projects when they said they would- costing me both time and money. Another individual and I entered into a verbal contract (by phone), and later, in a 'chat,' she said I could look forward to plenty of work on a longterm basis. However- she did not keep up her end of the agreement: the agreement was I'd produce a certain number of articles each weekday, but on numerous occasions she did not get the assignments to me until later in the week, resulting in my needing to complete a week's worth of work in a couple of days. The last time this occurred I brought it to her attention, and she remarked that I 'wasn't patient.' Because of her incompetence- and dishonesty- I lost a side job that would have resulted in an additional income of around $500 per month. And these are only some of the 'highlights' of the online workplace.
In-person wasn't any better. An acquaintance approached me and said: “I want you to come and work for me this summer- and I'll pay you ten bucks an hour!” Sounded good- sounded very good, as I was job-hunting and had no income. The income would have been quite useful for paying my rent and bills, and buying school supplies for my teenager. First complication: after making this agreement and committing my time to working for her, her communications involved email FWD's- nothing about the job. Second complication: I put in one day of work, and, while saying she was happy with the job I did, suggested I leave my grubby work clothes and shoes at her house because I'd be returning the next day to continue the job. She didn't show up the next day, nor in the days after. Not only was I not making money, I had no shoes to wear- my other sneakers had split in half when I was doing roofing work. Third complication: she said she could not pay me in cash, but that I should give her my bills and she'd pay them for me; this was not the original agreement, and it was not ok. A long time later her boyfriend showed up and paid me for the one day's work.
By then my rent was overdue, and my utilities were close to disconnection. And to top it off, while I was looking forward to a summer job and income, there was no more work after that first day- she was aggravated because I said I needed my shoes back. One comment she made speaks for her behavior as well as others who consider flaking acceptable: “I didn't answer your messages- *shrug*- just because I didn't.”
Is keeping one's word an outdated concept? Or do most people these days still realize its importance? While there can be a number of legitimate reasons a person cannot follow through when they say they will do something, not once have I heard a reason- instead, it seems individuals think it's their prerogative to dismiss it with 'Oh well.' And to make matters worse, they are quite irritated if you bring it to their attention- like it is completely unreasonable to take anyone at their word.
Keeping one's word is not only a good idea- it is essential. Unless a person has a legitimate reason, flaking shows an individual has no respect for the person they are dealing with- and no respect for himself/herself either.
I was never able to find an across-the-board reason or origin for this issue, and individuals I've known who frequently 'flake' did not seem to have much in common with each other. The young woman I mentioned at the beginning came from a background where children did not matter- and to her I was a 'child.' Gary Crosby's mother was an alcoholic- the amount of drinking he said she did made it possible that she didn't even remember promising movies to her kids. Others have claimed addiction and/or mental health issues. But none of these examples can account for why 'flaking' seems to be a widespread problem these days. Seems to me it's rarely more than lack of respect for others, and lack of concern for the consequences to others. Again, there can be legitimate reasons for not following through with something- but if there isn't a good reason, show you have basic integrity by keeping your word.
My long-ago experience: I was an elementary school student at the time, and the individual was the 'young woman from a different background' that I mentioned in my Fathers Day post. One day she approached me and said after she received her paycheck on Friday she would take me out for ice cream. I thought that was nice, looked forward to it. However, when Friday came and I approached her, she shrugged: “I didn't say 'I promise'.” I don't know what she thought I'd do, but I didn't do anything- I simply brushed it off with the thought 'I guess she wasn't raised to know any better.' And I did not encounter 'flaking' again for around thirty-five years.
However, the subject came up in an autobiography written by actor Gary Crosby. He related how his mother would call him and his brothers to her room, telling them if they were good all week- behaved well, did their schoolwork and chores- on Saturday she would take them all to the movies. The boys were super-good all week, and when Saturday came around they were happy and excited. But when they approached their mother she replied 'BS!- I never said anything about movies!'
My kids began encountering flaking in a new city before I did- friends would say they were coming over, or they'd go someplace, and then brush it off. As for my experience: a landlord, knowing I was new to the area and didn't have an ID, said he'd cash checks for me, take out the rent, and return what was left over. Numerous times I was left without cash for bus fare and other necessities because he did not follow through. I later encountered flaking in virtually every area of life- from doctors' appointments to job interviews, individuals simply did not show up, or, if they did, they were hours late and did not provide an explanation or an apology. One example that comes to mind: I’d had all-day testing scheduled for a job, and the person who was to conduct the testing was approximately two hours late. There was nothing I could do on that cold, rainy April day but stand outside and smoke. This kind of irresponsibility with other people’s time brings ‘Hurry up and wait’ to an art form.
And it seems flaking has become a widespread pattern. A few years ago, for example, I noticed a news story about a musician who'd had a 'sell-out' concert; despite a huge number of fans who put their hard-earned money into buying concert tickets, traveled to the concert, looked forward to it, he just didn't show up. And, as is the case with those who consider flaking an acceptable course of action, there were no reasons, no excuses, no apologies.
Depending on the circumstances, the consequences of flaking can range from disappointing someone and letting them down, to various degrees of inconvenience, to serious problems. As one example, an individual popped up at my door one day, and said he'd heard I was preparing to move; he asked which day I was moving, and when I answered he replied that he and his friend would be over that day to help. The day came, moved on, and was nearing an end, but no sign of the person. As I'd told the manager I'd have everything out that day, a family member came over- with a sprained knee- and moved the heavy items for me. A couple of days later I happened to see the individual; he shrugged it off with 'I decided to go see one of my friends- you understand, don't you?' Of course I understood- I understood some people are untrustworthy, and their word means nothing.
Bad enough; but in the business world, the consequences can be worse. There were a couple of individuals who did not send work projects when they said they would- costing me both time and money. Another individual and I entered into a verbal contract (by phone), and later, in a 'chat,' she said I could look forward to plenty of work on a longterm basis. However- she did not keep up her end of the agreement: the agreement was I'd produce a certain number of articles each weekday, but on numerous occasions she did not get the assignments to me until later in the week, resulting in my needing to complete a week's worth of work in a couple of days. The last time this occurred I brought it to her attention, and she remarked that I 'wasn't patient.' Because of her incompetence- and dishonesty- I lost a side job that would have resulted in an additional income of around $500 per month. And these are only some of the 'highlights' of the online workplace.
In-person wasn't any better. An acquaintance approached me and said: “I want you to come and work for me this summer- and I'll pay you ten bucks an hour!” Sounded good- sounded very good, as I was job-hunting and had no income. The income would have been quite useful for paying my rent and bills, and buying school supplies for my teenager. First complication: after making this agreement and committing my time to working for her, her communications involved email FWD's- nothing about the job. Second complication: I put in one day of work, and, while saying she was happy with the job I did, suggested I leave my grubby work clothes and shoes at her house because I'd be returning the next day to continue the job. She didn't show up the next day, nor in the days after. Not only was I not making money, I had no shoes to wear- my other sneakers had split in half when I was doing roofing work. Third complication: she said she could not pay me in cash, but that I should give her my bills and she'd pay them for me; this was not the original agreement, and it was not ok. A long time later her boyfriend showed up and paid me for the one day's work.
By then my rent was overdue, and my utilities were close to disconnection. And to top it off, while I was looking forward to a summer job and income, there was no more work after that first day- she was aggravated because I said I needed my shoes back. One comment she made speaks for her behavior as well as others who consider flaking acceptable: “I didn't answer your messages- *shrug*- just because I didn't.”
Is keeping one's word an outdated concept? Or do most people these days still realize its importance? While there can be a number of legitimate reasons a person cannot follow through when they say they will do something, not once have I heard a reason- instead, it seems individuals think it's their prerogative to dismiss it with 'Oh well.' And to make matters worse, they are quite irritated if you bring it to their attention- like it is completely unreasonable to take anyone at their word.
Keeping one's word is not only a good idea- it is essential. Unless a person has a legitimate reason, flaking shows an individual has no respect for the person they are dealing with- and no respect for himself/herself either.
I was never able to find an across-the-board reason or origin for this issue, and individuals I've known who frequently 'flake' did not seem to have much in common with each other. The young woman I mentioned at the beginning came from a background where children did not matter- and to her I was a 'child.' Gary Crosby's mother was an alcoholic- the amount of drinking he said she did made it possible that she didn't even remember promising movies to her kids. Others have claimed addiction and/or mental health issues. But none of these examples can account for why 'flaking' seems to be a widespread problem these days. Seems to me it's rarely more than lack of respect for others, and lack of concern for the consequences to others. Again, there can be legitimate reasons for not following through with something- but if there isn't a good reason, show you have basic integrity by keeping your word.