I’d had more than four decades of life before arriving in one particular small city. During those years, the locations I’d lived in were quite different from each other; yet, with a wide range of experiences, nothing prepared me for one particular small city. An exception: long ago, I read three books that had been written decades earlier- Manchild in the Promised Land, by Claude Brown; Down These Mean Streets, by Piri Thomas; and The Status Seekers, by Vance Packard. Although Brown and Thomas grew up in two different locations, were two different races, and grew up nearly a decade apart, their stories are so similar that it’s difficult to place which author said what. However, while their communities were referred to as the inner-city slums, one would not expect to find those ways of life in a midwestern city that cuts across both economic and racial lines.
“Raised in the streets by the older guys”
Uncommon for that time and place (so I’ve heard), the childhood homes of both authors included both of their original biological parents- neither was raised by a single mother, neither had a step-parent, and neither shared a household with a parent’s ‘boyfriends’ or ‘girlfriends.’ Yet they were on their own from earliest childhood- if memory serves, Brown said he was ‘out of the house’ at six years of age- running the streets, sleeping anywhere, committing petty crimes, and cutting school when he was old enough to attend. Thomas stated it was not considered at all unusual for a twelve-year-old to be roaming the streets alone well after midnight. The general consensus among parents: Do whatever you want, as long as you don’t bother me. Bad influences and genuine dangers did not seem to matter. It should not be too surprising that youngsters who learn early that their parents don’t care about them develop ‘self-esteem issues,’ as well as the belief that they are on their own in this life.
One author elaborated on this by relating one of the older guys impressed upon the younger kids that ‘All women are b*tches.’ The older guy encouraged younger kids to take the approach ‘If all a b*tch has is a penny to buy milk for her baby, take the penny- she can always get more.’ If that’s not disgusting enough, in ‘certain kinds of environments’ (as I politely word it) the category extends to everyone- everyone that can be used, regardless of gender or age. Similar to the author’s older ‘friend,’ the approach is Take what you want- it does not matter what the consequences are to someone else. In certain kinds of environments I’ve learned: individuals do not present themselves in an honest manner- they see ‘others’ as a source from which to gain something; no one helps another person or does anything for another person without expecting to gain something from it; and if you ever do anything for anyone they’ll take advantage of you. I’ve also learned how individuals treat people when they do not want or need anything- as nonpersons who do not exist.
If you’re familiar with the expression ‘They’d even steal milk from a baby’- this was one of the first oddities I saw: young parents would buy quarts of milk for their toddler, and, each time they opened the refrigerator found the milk had been stolen. The individuals who stole did not care that the child needed it, nor that the parents could not afford to consistently replace it- it was the overall attitude ‘If it want it, it’s MINE!’ Individuals- whether they came from homes where they were given everything (except their parent’s time and attention) or whether they grew up with nothing, have a sense of entitlement over whatever is not legitimately theirs.
This particular small city has the most anti-family sentiments and approaches I’ve ever seen. It’s almost hilarious to see signs boasting that it’s A GREAT PLACE TO RAISE A FAMILY! On one side, their definition of ‘raise’ is different. One of my first encounters was a 23-year-old woman who was dragged through the mud by virtually everyone she knew- because she and her husband had decided together that she would be a stay-at-home-mom. Personally, I had the ongoing experience of hiring manager after hiring manager telling me that while I was perfectly qualified for the jobs, they would not hire me because raising my own kids meant I was ‘unemployable by local standards’ due to ‘incompatible lifestyles.’
On the other side is what constitutes Family- individuals state relationships that do not legitimately exist. Similar to the inner-city in the olden days, individuals refer to those they live with as their ‘wives’ and ‘husbands.’ With only one exception, all the couples I’ve known were in their twenties; Boomers live with one person after another, or take the lowest approach to ‘dating.’
“Bad is good- and the worst is better”
An incident years ago really caused me to wonder What the * kind of place is this, anyway?! I happened to notice an older guy approach a young adult, trying to pick a fight with him. The young adult stretched up to his full height, went eyeball-to-eyeball with the older guy, and exclaimed “I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I just got released after seven years in the penitentiary!” As I knew the young adult, and was aware he'd recently been discharged after serving in the military, my thought was actually What the * kind of place is this, anyway, where criminal behavior and incarceration is considered more 'worthy' of respect than serving their country?! Well, in certain kinds of environments, it's widespread- honest work, doing right, trying to stay on the right path in life, and even intelligence are all seen as something to sneer at, to look down on, to consider the people as fools. In contrast, “lie, cheat, and steal” is considered the only approach worthy of respect.
Even individuals in the Baby Boomers generation consider wrong to be worthy of respect, and cause for bragging rights. In certain kinds of environments where people never really grew up, it’s not uncommon to hear older individuals boast about the crimes they committed, how much ‘time’ they’ve done, how many people they had sex with, and the drugs they’ve used. Go back to Mr. Packard’s book- it’s street-corner slum behavior. And, as he also stated, individuals are not only immoral, they’re not unmoral, they are simply amoral.
‘Cultures of violence’
Next, while kids are not considered people, neither are women. The disrespect is out of this world. Acting as if it's the caveman days, the general approach is any unattached, unaccompanied 'female' is 'up for grabs.' One guy made the approach perfectly clear; he stated “When a girl says ‘No,’ she really means ‘Yes’- or she at least means ‘Maybe.’ It’s like an expert stated in one of her newsletters- individuals with disordered personalities do not take ‘No’ for an answer- they take it as a challenge. The female gender is not considered to be full-fledged human beings with free will and rights. Locals are unfamiliar with such concepts as equality and egalitarianism- even now, in the 21st century.
‘One way- their way’
Decades ago, two people- one male, one female, both married-with-children and past middle-age- stated ‘Aren’t people the same everywhere?’ While the two had nothing in common with each other- radically different attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, lifestyles- I’ve encountered complications from this widely-held misconception. First, in certain kinds of environments, it’s quite common for individuals to have seen no other attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, lifestyles than their own. They fully believe everyone, everywhere shares the same lifestyles as themselves. Second, there is no such thing as ‘different’- different is automatically wrong. It can be elaborated on by the quote “All actions outside ordinary limits are subject to sinister interpretation.” ‘Ordinary,’ though, is based only on their own personal experiences. Even my experiences on the most minor end of the scale show they have no other frame of reference: a manager, upon reviewing a job application- ‘I see here you don’t have a driver’s license- when was it taken away?’ A woman I’d just met- ‘How many times have you been in treatment?’ A guy who approached me on the street- ‘I saw you always wearing those sunglasses- so I thought you’d been smoking crack.’ While I’d never had a driver’s license, never had any need for ‘treatment,’ and had never even seen crack, it was a matter of assuming every person and every situation was like themselves and their own experiences. And these examples are only on the minor end of the scale.
‘Times have changed- or have they?’
There's an important difference, though: the authors of those two books grew up in a different era; when Piri Thomas and Claude Brown were children, teenagers, and young adults, opportunities did not exist that exist today. Not only could race limit a person's opportunities, one's lot in life was largely determined by where and to whom one was born. Not only did many have no opportunities, they had no options, either- individuals could look forward to dying where they were born, and in the same circumstances.
That was then- This is now. With the exception of unusual circumstances, nearly every American kid who graduates from high school can obtain higher education. It's up to parents to stress the importance of education- but for kids to have a real chance in life, it starts with parents who provide a foundation, socialization, and values, rather than handing the responsibilities to someone else. And when this does not occur, well, one small city in the midwest can attest to the consequences. 24 homicides so far this year; the entire city is drowning in drugs; the homeless populations have expanded to the extent that agencies are taking over housing needed by individuals who work for a living and individuals who have legitimate reasons to need SSDI; yet it seems the only people who realize the local lifestyles are not working are we 'outsiders.'
This city- and others like it- needs to clean up its act. But it won't happen, because they won't take off their blinders. There are only two ways effective changes can occur: either locals can take off their blinders and see the consequences of their way-of-life- or listen to those of us who have seen and experienced different and better. But you don’t need to take my word for it- one statistics page states the city with a population of around 200,000 “has one of the highest crime rates in America.” Another gives it a violent crime score of 71.53% higher than the national average. And another, offering ratings on various features, provides these ratings: Crime- F; Housing and Education- D; Employment- D+; only Amenities has an A+ rating, if malls and bars are a higher priority than the other features. I think I saw this small city for what it was the first night I arrived- while waiting for a ride, the person I was with was approached by a total stranger who asked ‘Hey, man, ya know where I can buy some rock?’
“Raised in the streets by the older guys”
Uncommon for that time and place (so I’ve heard), the childhood homes of both authors included both of their original biological parents- neither was raised by a single mother, neither had a step-parent, and neither shared a household with a parent’s ‘boyfriends’ or ‘girlfriends.’ Yet they were on their own from earliest childhood- if memory serves, Brown said he was ‘out of the house’ at six years of age- running the streets, sleeping anywhere, committing petty crimes, and cutting school when he was old enough to attend. Thomas stated it was not considered at all unusual for a twelve-year-old to be roaming the streets alone well after midnight. The general consensus among parents: Do whatever you want, as long as you don’t bother me. Bad influences and genuine dangers did not seem to matter. It should not be too surprising that youngsters who learn early that their parents don’t care about them develop ‘self-esteem issues,’ as well as the belief that they are on their own in this life.
One author elaborated on this by relating one of the older guys impressed upon the younger kids that ‘All women are b*tches.’ The older guy encouraged younger kids to take the approach ‘If all a b*tch has is a penny to buy milk for her baby, take the penny- she can always get more.’ If that’s not disgusting enough, in ‘certain kinds of environments’ (as I politely word it) the category extends to everyone- everyone that can be used, regardless of gender or age. Similar to the author’s older ‘friend,’ the approach is Take what you want- it does not matter what the consequences are to someone else. In certain kinds of environments I’ve learned: individuals do not present themselves in an honest manner- they see ‘others’ as a source from which to gain something; no one helps another person or does anything for another person without expecting to gain something from it; and if you ever do anything for anyone they’ll take advantage of you. I’ve also learned how individuals treat people when they do not want or need anything- as nonpersons who do not exist.
If you’re familiar with the expression ‘They’d even steal milk from a baby’- this was one of the first oddities I saw: young parents would buy quarts of milk for their toddler, and, each time they opened the refrigerator found the milk had been stolen. The individuals who stole did not care that the child needed it, nor that the parents could not afford to consistently replace it- it was the overall attitude ‘If it want it, it’s MINE!’ Individuals- whether they came from homes where they were given everything (except their parent’s time and attention) or whether they grew up with nothing, have a sense of entitlement over whatever is not legitimately theirs.
This particular small city has the most anti-family sentiments and approaches I’ve ever seen. It’s almost hilarious to see signs boasting that it’s A GREAT PLACE TO RAISE A FAMILY! On one side, their definition of ‘raise’ is different. One of my first encounters was a 23-year-old woman who was dragged through the mud by virtually everyone she knew- because she and her husband had decided together that she would be a stay-at-home-mom. Personally, I had the ongoing experience of hiring manager after hiring manager telling me that while I was perfectly qualified for the jobs, they would not hire me because raising my own kids meant I was ‘unemployable by local standards’ due to ‘incompatible lifestyles.’
On the other side is what constitutes Family- individuals state relationships that do not legitimately exist. Similar to the inner-city in the olden days, individuals refer to those they live with as their ‘wives’ and ‘husbands.’ With only one exception, all the couples I’ve known were in their twenties; Boomers live with one person after another, or take the lowest approach to ‘dating.’
“Bad is good- and the worst is better”
An incident years ago really caused me to wonder What the * kind of place is this, anyway?! I happened to notice an older guy approach a young adult, trying to pick a fight with him. The young adult stretched up to his full height, went eyeball-to-eyeball with the older guy, and exclaimed “I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I just got released after seven years in the penitentiary!” As I knew the young adult, and was aware he'd recently been discharged after serving in the military, my thought was actually What the * kind of place is this, anyway, where criminal behavior and incarceration is considered more 'worthy' of respect than serving their country?! Well, in certain kinds of environments, it's widespread- honest work, doing right, trying to stay on the right path in life, and even intelligence are all seen as something to sneer at, to look down on, to consider the people as fools. In contrast, “lie, cheat, and steal” is considered the only approach worthy of respect.
Even individuals in the Baby Boomers generation consider wrong to be worthy of respect, and cause for bragging rights. In certain kinds of environments where people never really grew up, it’s not uncommon to hear older individuals boast about the crimes they committed, how much ‘time’ they’ve done, how many people they had sex with, and the drugs they’ve used. Go back to Mr. Packard’s book- it’s street-corner slum behavior. And, as he also stated, individuals are not only immoral, they’re not unmoral, they are simply amoral.
‘Cultures of violence’
Next, while kids are not considered people, neither are women. The disrespect is out of this world. Acting as if it's the caveman days, the general approach is any unattached, unaccompanied 'female' is 'up for grabs.' One guy made the approach perfectly clear; he stated “When a girl says ‘No,’ she really means ‘Yes’- or she at least means ‘Maybe.’ It’s like an expert stated in one of her newsletters- individuals with disordered personalities do not take ‘No’ for an answer- they take it as a challenge. The female gender is not considered to be full-fledged human beings with free will and rights. Locals are unfamiliar with such concepts as equality and egalitarianism- even now, in the 21st century.
‘One way- their way’
Decades ago, two people- one male, one female, both married-with-children and past middle-age- stated ‘Aren’t people the same everywhere?’ While the two had nothing in common with each other- radically different attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, lifestyles- I’ve encountered complications from this widely-held misconception. First, in certain kinds of environments, it’s quite common for individuals to have seen no other attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, lifestyles than their own. They fully believe everyone, everywhere shares the same lifestyles as themselves. Second, there is no such thing as ‘different’- different is automatically wrong. It can be elaborated on by the quote “All actions outside ordinary limits are subject to sinister interpretation.” ‘Ordinary,’ though, is based only on their own personal experiences. Even my experiences on the most minor end of the scale show they have no other frame of reference: a manager, upon reviewing a job application- ‘I see here you don’t have a driver’s license- when was it taken away?’ A woman I’d just met- ‘How many times have you been in treatment?’ A guy who approached me on the street- ‘I saw you always wearing those sunglasses- so I thought you’d been smoking crack.’ While I’d never had a driver’s license, never had any need for ‘treatment,’ and had never even seen crack, it was a matter of assuming every person and every situation was like themselves and their own experiences. And these examples are only on the minor end of the scale.
‘Times have changed- or have they?’
There's an important difference, though: the authors of those two books grew up in a different era; when Piri Thomas and Claude Brown were children, teenagers, and young adults, opportunities did not exist that exist today. Not only could race limit a person's opportunities, one's lot in life was largely determined by where and to whom one was born. Not only did many have no opportunities, they had no options, either- individuals could look forward to dying where they were born, and in the same circumstances.
That was then- This is now. With the exception of unusual circumstances, nearly every American kid who graduates from high school can obtain higher education. It's up to parents to stress the importance of education- but for kids to have a real chance in life, it starts with parents who provide a foundation, socialization, and values, rather than handing the responsibilities to someone else. And when this does not occur, well, one small city in the midwest can attest to the consequences. 24 homicides so far this year; the entire city is drowning in drugs; the homeless populations have expanded to the extent that agencies are taking over housing needed by individuals who work for a living and individuals who have legitimate reasons to need SSDI; yet it seems the only people who realize the local lifestyles are not working are we 'outsiders.'
This city- and others like it- needs to clean up its act. But it won't happen, because they won't take off their blinders. There are only two ways effective changes can occur: either locals can take off their blinders and see the consequences of their way-of-life- or listen to those of us who have seen and experienced different and better. But you don’t need to take my word for it- one statistics page states the city with a population of around 200,000 “has one of the highest crime rates in America.” Another gives it a violent crime score of 71.53% higher than the national average. And another, offering ratings on various features, provides these ratings: Crime- F; Housing and Education- D; Employment- D+; only Amenities has an A+ rating, if malls and bars are a higher priority than the other features. I think I saw this small city for what it was the first night I arrived- while waiting for a ride, the person I was with was approached by a total stranger who asked ‘Hey, man, ya know where I can buy some rock?’